A life on hold

"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." - Albert Einstein

Ten months back in Canada, and I've just finished the first draft of my second chapter. Things have been progressing much slower than I thought, needless to say. Fresh off the plane and optimistic, I was sure I'd be finished in April. Then June. Then the end of the summer...you get the drift. It's good to be optimistic I guess!

This thesis has been on my mind for so long that I can't imagine my life without it. I can't imagine having a job - a real proper job - and coming home at night, and having no other obligations. Imagine: being able to leave the work at work! Sounds wonderful to me.

Everything has been on hold at the moment, and I feel a little claustrophobic, holed up in the library while real life happens outside in the sunshine. I obsess about this thesis: it's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before bed. I can't relax; I feel guilty for every moment I spend away from it. I have to read the paper religiously every morning to remind myself that there are much much much more important things happening in the world than my little thesis. I don't like feeling so cut off from the world, so I make it a priority to keep in touch with my friends, to do things that I enjoy.

Don't get me wrong - this thesis is no one's fault but my own and I don't intend to whine about it (although I do!!) Plus I realize what I privilege it is to go to school and study something that I find interesting. And I actually do enjoy writing (although not enough to make a career out of it). But, when I do finally finish this thesis, it'll be like a prisoner finishing a jail term! Things I'm planning to do:
- TRAVEL (maybe a volunteering stint abroad?)
- Take up piano again
- Get a job and move out
- Learn something new
- Breathe and relax
- Have fun again
- Nothing at all!

Just a few more months, just a few more months, just a few more months...